Procrastinator Slams Poetry

I have been dragging my feet on picking a champ in this poetry contest. Today I faced up to my big reason for the delay. I just can't stand to say to all a y'all crazy people that one of you is better than the others. Even if that is understood to be a matter of my subjective opinion. I feel like a silly primary school P.E. teacher who insists that "we're all winners!" and refuses to let the kids keep score during their games. I am so lame. Especially since I know there are some genuine Competitive Bastards in the bunch who live to compete. And kick ass. And be told as much.

Okay, you're probably not as emotionally delicate as my behavior would indicate I believe you are, so I'll just do it. Do it! This is gonna hurt me more than it hurts you. Or something like that.

First off, thanks, my peeps, for gracing my blog with your smooth poetry stylings. I'm gonna treasure your contributions forever. (Always stay as cool as you are and have a great summer!)
Next, I'm gonna break it down for all of you out there in the mutherland: there were a lot of things I likey-ed. A whole lotta things.

For example:

Worldgineer, I like the phrase "young girl king" so much that I am going to write it down and put it in one of those mezuzah thingeys and nail it to my doorway. (Also really liked the tiger thing the other day. That thing just came from out of the blue. That was gorgeous.)

K_sra, whatever you say that was, I really loved "and watching and waiting for all those/ damn palaces to melt". My dear, I wanna bust all your balloons. I wanna burn all of your cities to the ground. (In the Lord.) (Oh, and keep on truckin'.) (Amen.) You're glad and you know it. Clap your hands!

Brian, man, in the first place, the fact that you made your mark two times is just awesome in my book. I am so pleased that you had an awkward social (albeit drunk) moment 'cuz you thought my lines were cool enough to share with others. (And now you know they're not. You won't make that mistake again.) In the second place, I would say when you're cracking me up this much (which I sooooo appreciate), you should definitely take a free pass on using those two lines. Don't you even worry about the mess. It'll all come out in the wash.

Joel, I wasn't kidding with that ROFL business. This impish writing voice is so completely unlike the uber responsible nice guy you've always been, that it was a (pleasant) shock. Plus it made me think of Harry Potter. (My secret crush.) Maybe he'll re-enact this scene in his next film. I can dream, can't I?

Daryk, liked yours so much that I came this close to crowning you the winner. After reading this clever thing I didn't know whether to console you (or whoever that is speaking) or hand you/ whoever a box of Cottonelle Fresh Folded Wipes for that messy second stanza. (I don't think even Worldg could find the device that would make that go, err, smoothly.) Sorry about those mishaps, though.
Third stanza broke my heart. That is very boy suffering there. (I offer empathy if not complete and total understanding to whoever's doing the talking.) And maybe you/ whoever doesn't know what "the royal" means, but I am pleased to see that if you are embarrassed by it, you can shake it off. (New low on my blog, jokewise. *shakes head* Kids these days!)
Oh, and I might point, but I won't snicker.

Lydia, you win. That thing was pretty damn masterful. You landed blows like a prize fighter beating up a granny. (Even though you would never, ever beat up a granny. I mean, you wouldn't, right?) Wow, that's a really vicious image. Cover your eyes, kids. I mean it!

Anybody want a peanut?

Prizewise, Lyds, figgered I'd e-mail you the list for the types of words I need for my free-style mad libs thingey. (Oh, and I just know you're gonna love it. And even if you don't, that's okay. I'll have fun writing it and that's worth something. To me. Most of the time.) I'll stick that thing on my blog here and in the meantime, all you losers (and I say that with affection) can check out some mad libs which are probably way cooler than mine's is gonna be anyway. Damn!