mardi, novembre 16, 2004

H+P Prezents Housewarming 2004

(Look Lively!)

Okay, I'm back and I'm causing trouble. I like my idea of sending housewarming gifts to people who have moved (or moved back) or who haven't moved at all. Lately. Because, sez I, you really can't have your house too warmed. No, you cannot. So, I suggest a giftages free for all in this here blog world of ours. Obviously, Nashville must top the list because those crazy potato eating cowboys are in dire need of something (and I'm not sure what.)

The rules of the game are as follows:

Items must be mailed through normal 3-D channels (i.e. no poems or songs or pictures or gift certificates sent over the net.) Everybody needs to receive stuff in the mail from time to time, I don't care who you are. Do NOT exchange addresses over the net (i.e. on this blog.) That gives yrs faithfully the creepin' willies. The creepin' willies are to be avoided at all costs. If you're missing anybody's addy or want to send in your own, contact me at I will respond posthaste and forthwith because I like the sound of it.

There is no monetary value limit- hi or lo- on this thing. Fer instance, if somebody would like to buy me a $675 book on the life and designs of Madeleine Vionnet (by Betty Kirke), to help me resolve my deep, deep regret over not having bought the damn thing for $80 bucks or so when it first came out- well, that would be fine by me. Also, if someone were to send me a potato, I wouldn't mind that either. (Because I, unlike dem dere boys in Nashville, am not living through a mini potato famine. In fact, until Thanksgiving day, I can't even eat a potato, so as an object of lust, a potato will do nicely.)

All housewarming prezents must be announced by the prezent receiver on their own blog in a timely fashion. (What, I ask, is the fun in thinking up weird- or even nice- things to send to people if we all don't get to hear about it? Oh, dear me, I am distracted by the thought of baked goods- n'importe which kind. Thanksgiving day is going to be a food orgy, I can assure you. I had eggs and tomato for breakfast. A very good girl am I.)

Inventiveness as well as kindness are encouraged. So, if you feel someone's life will be improved by receiving a stick of Beech-Nut Chewing Gum, well, by golly, you send it. Or loose tea leaves (much more sophisticated than tea bags, for example), or fuzz from your favorite cashmere sweater, or 99 cents of iTunes shopping satisfaction (oh, wait- that might violate the "send it USPS or UPS or FedEx or DHL or something like that" rule.) You could send me home made chocolate chip cookies just to be cruel (oh, wait- that would violate the "kindness is encouraged" rule. Maybe that should be a guideline rather than a rule. I might really enjoy some cookie cruelty.) You get the idea.

Don't be disgusting. Need I say more?

This is NOT a competition ( I say slyly, knowing I am addressing a bunch of Competitive Bastards who will definitely turn it into one.) Sending the nicest or funniest or cutest or favoritist thing is NOT the object of the game. No, I say, the object of the game is to shower the people you love (or just like. As a friend. Or a brother. In the Lord.) with love. If I may be allowed to quote yet another sappy song here- nobody gets too much love anymore. We're going to do something about that.

And that thought makes me happy even though it isn't anything even remotely close to a baked good.

6 commentaires:

  1. "Do NOT exchange addresses over the net. That gives yrs faithfully the creepin' willies. The creepin' willies are to be avoided at all costs."

    need i say anything less then, holy shit woman...yr hilarious. anywhos, i'll see what i can't wrangle up for my brothers in irish status. so i'm going to look for the 'favoritist' gift of allest!

    now i'm going to read this again and laugh my ass off once more.

  2. Speaking of the creepin' willies, I saw the perfect gift for John at the Indy Chillins' Museum a while ago. It was a giant plush tarantula hand puppet with a 24" leg span. It looked real. It looked scary. It would look great as a throw pillow on his bed.

    You should take this as a hint to never, ever enter into a "Changing Rooms" situation with me. You would be oh so very sorry. (But I secretly pray that some day I will have the chance to ugly-up someone's bedroom or den with my signature flair. In a perfect world, that someone would be a certain cult-leader's great granddaughter)

  3. Oh Lydia (Lydia), you make me laugh. Yes you do. The very thought of that makes we giddy with anticipation that you will be accepted on the show someday. (claps hands) Can't wait can't wait.

    Ahem. Nicely done, H+P. No Bastards of Competition here. Remind me again who all we're sending shit to. Or just call me some evening when you get the chance and we'll dialogue about it to find a suitable paradigm or a bullwinkle or something. thanks. espn. yr the best.

  4. Am I the only non-understander? 'Splain it to me like I was 6 year old. I have an ever growing carebear package for LOL ever since she talked about the craft studio. Does that mean something?

  5. Course it means something. Especially to LOL. (By the way, I spent all weekend slaving over a hot craft studio and boy are my arms tired! And I know that sounds vaguely bad but I don't care if it gets me carebears!)

    Have you not seen the show LOL and Sra are talking about? It's horrifying sometimes. Anyhoo, if you need or want more splanations call me. I am friggin' tired again, but have fabulous road-to-hell intentions to get around to warming houses any day now. I will not forget.

  6. Seriously, I will not forget. At this rate, this may become H+P Prezents Housewarming 2005, but y'all crazy people will like anyway.

    If you know what's good for you.