I was going to write something 11-ish yesterday and I just couldn't. (Moment of silence and all that.) Anyway, since I am feeling quite an urge to lighten up and be veddy silly- take a break from heavy stuff, you know?- I decided to hold a poetry slam. Honest + Popular style.
"What does that mean?", you may be asking yourself. And, Yourself, I tell you, I am happy to explain. Except that, never having held a poetry contest (Honest + Popular style) before, I can't really be sure what it'll be like. I'm 'bout to find out. (How bad could it be?)
Also, before you start, I should tell you that I came up with this idea once after reading poetry written by pals of mine. I do not (really) write poetry. I felt sort of bad about that. But I got over it. And having other people write poetry on my site is the way I came up with to laugh at the fact that I can't personally do it very well myself. So, this is also a way for me to get by with a little help from my friends. And now you know.
My personal fave will be rewarded with a mad libs PROSE thingey which I will compose in their honor. (After they've given me the appropriate nouns and so forth.) Sowennyway, I will give you poet types the first two lines and you can take it from there. No rules on structure. You could even combine the two lines or reverse them. Free and easy. Have fun. (I know I'm honest, but now I guess I'll find out if I'm popular. Please, please, please come to my birthday party! This dress is gonna look stupid if I'm the only kid here.)
(Ahem! Where is my dignity? Had it just a second ago.) Start here:
I used the royal 'we'
To take a standing piss
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Is there a deadline?
RépondreSupprimerHeck no! A deadline would be a rule, right? This could take years... or days, anyway.
RépondreSupprimerOh, and Probable Poets, it's probably not necessary for me to explain this, but "to take a piss" at something is slang for...ummmm, what exactly is it slang for? I have the gist of it in my head (I learned it contextually.) It's something like mocking or complaing about something. Generally denigrating the subject being talked about. I think. (Correct me if I'm wrong.)
RépondreSupprimerHope that helps. (If you needed any help.) Carry on then.
I'm afraid I'll just slam myself and end up hurting my head. Should I wear a helmet?
RépondreSupprimerOh! Harold Lloyd! Cuters. This was just rawful. (ROFL)
RépondreSupprimerAnd hey, K, you'd better protect yourself. I don't have great insurance.
There was a young girl king named Bee
RépondreSupprimerWho was asked how she sometimes could miss
She said "I used the royal 'we'
To take a standing piss"
(picturing a golden one of these)
RépondreSupprimer'gineer, that's just wrong. Delightfully wrong.
RépondreSupprimerIncidentally, I posted my entry here.
HERE
Damn links never work for me.
2xnegative.blogspot.com
Yes, it's quite a nice link. I whip it out on occasion. There's actually a competing product but it doesn't look as nicely designed.
RépondreSupprimerTo make a link, do this: < a href = "http://something.com" >click me!< / a >, but remove the spaces.
You're not just good, you're golden- I mean, you're starting to gross me out. Keep it in your pants, Worldg. Freud was wrong. {;-]
RépondreSupprimer(Hey, that was kind of an alien/ baboon/ skull emoticon I made! Cool.)
Oh, and thanks for the poem, World.
Hey, you can run but you can't hide. Nobody puts Baby in the corner!
RépondreSupprimerFolks, this is the meddling of Honest and the genius of Lydia O'Lydia:
As Seen From the Balcony
I used the royal We
To take a standing piss
Upon the Holy See.
All bargains now unkissed,
We showed the all-isms
All the many I-isms
And just how wee their were-isms
Came to finally be:
The sacrosanct a chamber pot
The blood of Christ a drying clot
While children sang the Magnificat
In holy lands across the sea.
He fed us at his banquet eating table
Perpetuated a stifling fable
A waving thousand-armed atrocity.
But We trimmed away the adiposity
Had a pleasant piss on the faith-built lawn
Once his banner over We was gone.
Sorry. These are just the things you find in life and feel you can use elsewhere. It fit in so well with my poem that I even searched for "pee standing up" at work.
RépondreSupprimerSee, now THAT is funny.
RépondreSupprimerI used the royal 'we'
RépondreSupprimerto take a standing piss
on all the times I've missed
been left miffed
and distressed
I used the royal 'she'
to take a standing crap
on all the times my mishaps
got pimp-slapped
by the riff-raff
I used the royal 'us'
to take a stand, but
got kicked in the nuts
as I boarded the bus
by someone I trust
I used the royal 'they'
to stand here in dismay
and paint the world grey
or gay
eating curds and whey
I used the royal 'he'
to stand between the trees
and prove to those who read
I don't know what "the royal" means,
see?
(it's impolite to point and snicker)
Couldn't be better. (Are you out in the yard again?)
RépondreSupprimerjust taking my royal walk...
RépondreSupprimerOkay, so there are four entries thus far. I'll give this another day or two before I pick a winner. (Don't I always?) I just KNOW there are poetry writers out there nattering to themselves about peeing. Hate to cut anybody off- umm, midstream, so to speak.
RépondreSupprimer“I used the royal‘we’ to take a standing piss!!”
RépondreSupprimerThis was the punch line.
It sort of fell flat. Empty looks. Hollow.
I started to laugh.
You should have been there.
You would have laughed.
I laughed harder, but they didn’t get it.
“…a standing piss!!” I repeated. I just love that.
I stretched the s’s out long like a snake.
“I guess you would have had to have been there,” I said.
I replayed those words in my mind, wondering…
…have…had…to…have…been…
Did I say that right? How many beers have I had?
Does that girl think I’m cute? Or funny?
Does she get it? It really is funny, if you think about it…
I mean, "a standing piss…" that’s funny.
I wish you had been there.
You would have thought it was funny.
You would have understood about
the royal ‘we’ and a standing piss.
She can see through me.
Third Person Singular Plural
RépondreSupprimerThere always was a royal "we" In fact I've been "we"
much more than I've been me or I - It's been "us" and "ours" or "they" and "them" I was "all of you"
Never "all of me" I was born into this royalty:
princess to a pissed-off realm - waiting in attendance and being attended - standing at attention and watching and waiting for all those damn palaces to melt - and all this standing around waiting for the royal "we" to finally drop, waiting to shed "you all" waiting to take a standing piss all on my own without the bloody halo of "we" encircling my head ... is pissing me off
It's a heavy crown
and this was never my kingdom
I swear, I hardly know the girl
Brian, I am convinced I want to go out drinking with you. Thanks for the poem.
RépondreSupprimerK, "I don't know who you are, but I'm gonna shave your face." Tanx, for da poem.
I don't know who I am either. It's not much of a poem, more like a blurt. Apparently my poems are blurts. Nobody taught me no diffrent.
RépondreSupprimerAnd I'm going out drinking with you guys... hehe, get it, standing piss?
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RépondreSupprimertonight I got royally pissed
RépondreSupprimerand I tried to take a standing wee
but it's late and it's dark and I'm super-drunk
so the wee ended up on me
but I learned me a drinking lesson this night
so all will be well in the end...
if the next time I'm drunk and I stand and I piss
I remember to piss with the wind
now I know you had lines I was supposed to use
and they're lines I didn't use right
but it's late and I'm drunk and I'm covered in piss
cause I've been drinking and pissing all night
100% pure love.
RépondreSupprimer